Starscream's Christmas Plan!
by GGMK
Summary: Starscream has once again been humiliated by Megatron, and on Christmas no less! But Starscream isn't one to simply lie down, and he vows to cause his leader some form of embarrassment! And luckily, Christmas itself will help him with his fiendish plan! TFA


The snow was falling gently from the clouds above, no wind in the air to cause a flurry or storm. The full moon shone bright, but not enough to hurt the optics. No humans were running about, no doubt enjoying each other's company, or doing last second shopping from the safety of their home via the World Wide Web.

In theory, it was the perfect night, especially considering it was the day before the human holiday known as Christmas.

At least, it would have been perfect – if Starscream hadn't been feeling so much pain and humiliation. The slender mech was wandering in the back alleys of some small town in the United States. He hadn't bothered to learn the designation of his location, as he didn't expect to be staying for very long.

"When I get my servos on 'Mighty Megatron', I'm gonna show him! And after that, I'll deal with that kiss-aft Lugnut! And Blitzwing and Shockwave won't get off so lightly either." Starscream continued to mumble threats against his fellow Decepticons under his breath; it was all well and good to threaten them violence behind their backs, but he couldn't take the chance that a spy was following him.

The snow was too light for Starscream to even feel the flakes land on his metallic body, but a small part of his mind acknowledged that if too much of the substance melted, the water pouring into his joints could end badly for him.

But he had too much pride to return to the Decepticon's hidden base. After the thrashing he endured from Megatron, there was just no way!

"_B-but, my liege!" The fearful cry was cut short by an angry growl, as Megatron grabbed Starscream's neck._

"_I don't plan to listen to any more of your excuses, you worthless pile of scrap. Your mission was relatively simple: sneak into Sari's house, and bring her back to our base, where we could study just what makes her tick." Starscream gulped, or at least, he had planned to do so before realizing that he couldn't due to the grip on his throat._

"_But no, you couldn't even carry that out without bumbling up the whole thing. Instead of sneaking in, what do you do? Make a loud ruckus, making your intentions known that you were about to break in!" Starscream could faintly hear Lugnut and Blitzwing laughing in the background._

"_Um. In my defense, how was I supposed to know that Bumblebee would be there?" Starscream managed to get the words out, his voice a pitch higher than normal. Megatron's purple-optics narrowed dangerously._

"_I don't know. Maybe because they ALWAYS HANG OUT TOGETHER, YOU WORTHLESS PIECE OF METAL!" Starscream decided it would be best to keep his mouth shut from now on._

"_I have had enough of your foolishness to last me a lifetime," and Megatron punctuated his words by giving Starscream's aft a large kick, literally sending him flying out the door._

"_And don't come back unless you bring something worth my while!" The loud, commanding voice followed Starscream, and it wounded him deep. Gritting his denta, Starscream flew off aimlessly._

"Thinking back, maybe standing outside Sari's house and yelling that I would kidnap her wasn't the brightest move I have ever had. But Megatron had no right to cause me humiliation on that level!" Starscream's mumblings began to grow louder with each word.

Before long, he was starting yet another rant about how he would dethrone Megatron, and take his rightful place as the leader of the Decepticons! As he stomped around, his long speech was interrupted by a sound that, surprisingly, dwarfed his own in volume. Wondering who would dare talk over him, Starscream went to investigate the sound, which seemed to be coming from a parked vehicle, which would have otherwise been easy to miss because a bunch of snow had piled on it.

Through the glazed over window, Starscream could see a human, tinkering with a built-in radio. After messing with the dials, the Earthling finally found a station that wasn't overtaken by static. The voice that came out of the speakers was crisp and almost soothing.

"Let me remind you, Christmas isn't just about materialism. It's about spreading love, warmth, and happiness to friends, neighbors, and even strangers. It's not about receiving, but giving."

Starscream wanted to purge. Humans could be disgustingly sentimental. But the velvety voice's next few words caught the jaded robot's attention.

"However, for your nastiest friends or acquaintances, materialism is just what you need. Giving someone a great present is the easiest way to break the ice. Present-swapping can be the best way to make nice with someone. I'm Aaron Mackey, and this is Christmas Station Nation."

Excited, Starscream scurried off, ignoring the frightened look the human shot at him. He had presents to get for Megatron, and while he was at it, buying gifts for the others might be in order. Later, some random pedestrians would swear that they saw some strange footprints in the snow, but this could never be proven.

* * *

><p>Megatron, bored, had finally relented to playing some silly human board game called Chess. Lugnut was his opponent. Needless to say, it was an easy victory for the warlord.<p>

"I hate to say this, but Starscream was a pretty good player," Megatron reluctantly admitted. Lugnut suddenly looked downcast, despite the fact that he didn't have a conventional face.

"Master, please play me once more. I swear to you, this time I will make sure to play a game worthy of your magnificence!" Lugnut batted his chest with large servos, and Megatron sighed. There were some days when Lugnut's blind loyalty was almost as annoying as Starscream's treachery.

"Do you wish to play against me?" Shockwave's emotionless voice caused every robot in the room to cringe. Shockwave was the smartest Decepticon there was!

"NO! I mean, that will not be necessary, Shockwave," Megatron said, one of his optics twitching. Shockwave wordlessly turned back to the computer he was working on.

Just then, the front door burst open in an explosion! Megatron and his followers quickly tensed up, ready for an Autobot intrusion. They didn't let up even when it was only Starscream who walked inside, garbed in some weird, human-shaped red costume. There was even a red hat with a white ball at the end on the seeker's head.

"Starscream, explain _now_," Megatron commanded, his cannon pointed at Starscream's head. Starscream raised his servos in defense.

"You told me to come back only when I had something worth your while, did you not?" Starscream produced a large sack from his sub-space, and Megatron found himself confused.

"What in that bag could possibly be important enough? Tread lightly, Starscream. If the contents aren't as grand as you seem to be hinting they are, I will blow you to smithereens myself." Starscream gave a light bow, before prancing over to his lord. Putting his arm around Megatron's shoulder as if they were old pals, Starscream dug into his bag, which had started to squirm.

"Oh, I think you'll be satisfied," Starscream purred as he pulled out a young girl. But not just any girl – Sari, the petite, red-haired cyborg that Megatron had wanted to experiment on!

"I hope you appreciate this, because it took me quite a while to snatch her away! Thank goodness her father is an idiot!" Sari glared at that, and tried speaking through the gag that was stuffed in her mouth.

"I must say, Starscream, I find myself pleased with this…present. I may have to forgive you for your past mistake – this time. However…" Megatron paused to pick up the flailing human girl, delighted when his smirk caused her eyes to widen in naked fear.

"I have my doubts that you caught her yourself. Did you?" Megatron didn't believe Starscream was capable enough for a task like this for a second. Starscream fiddled his fingers.

"Well, maybe I asked a certain…swindler for help, but who cares? The human is here, and that is the important thing!" Megatron had to admit that Starscream had a point there.

Starscream stood up, proclaiming, "The humans have this special day called Christmas. Apparently, you give people you know gifts. I am only too happy to follow this example!"

"Then where are our gifts?" Blitzwing didn't look very happy that he had been forgotten. "Also, I demand three, one for each of my personalities!" His head spun, landing on a crazy looking face. "And ze present we receive had better be good!" The suddenly German voice didn't seem to rattle Starscream, who was probably used to it by now.

"Of course, I haven't forgotten about you, Blitzwing," Starscream assured him smoothly. Reaching back inside his large sack, Starscream pulled out the largest weapon that Megatron had ever seen.

"Don't go too crazy, now," Starscream smirked as Blitzwing made some "ooh" and "ahh" sounds, before running off with his new "toy".

Turning to Shockwave, Starscream shoved a book into the emotionless robot's servos. Shockwave held the hardcover novel between two claws, as if he was holding some dead specimen. Wordlessly, Shockwave left the room.

"Merry Christmas, heh heh," Starscream giggled under his breath, although not low enough that it escaped Megatron. Not that the former gladiator cared. If Starscream wanted to give Shockwave some boring human book, what did it matter?

"What about me, you traitor?" Lugnut's reproachful, booming voice irritated Megatron, and judging from the way Starscream winced, the seeker had similar feelings. So Megatron was surprised when Starscream grabbed Lugnut's claw and said, "Your present is a bit more private. Follow me to my quarters." The two robots jaunted away, and Megatron found that he didn't care. He and Shockwave had some tests to run…

* * *

><p>Starscream was giddy. His plan to cause Megatron humiliation had gone without a hitch so far. Now all he needed was Lugnut, and since the big idiot was the most gullible bot he knew, that wouldn't be hard.<p>

"Now where is my gift?" Lugnut sullenly demanded, stomping a large foot. The action caused various objects to fall from their shelves and crash to the floor. Starscream had to bite back a scathing remark.

"Oh, I have just the thing for you," Starscream sneered as he pulled out the final gift in his sack. Taking the tiny object in two of his fingers, Starscream held it before Lugnut's one optic.

"A leaf? I'm confused." Lugnut scratched his head.

"You see, Lugnut, this is a human invention called Mistletoe. Mistletoe is a very special plant, because if two people are standing under it…they have to kiss!" Starscream almost burst out laughing at Lugnut's reaction, which was to quickly glance around to make sure no one was listening.

"W-why give this to me?" Starscream could see that Lugnut would try to deny certain things, but it wouldn't work.

"I'm no fool, Lugnut. I know why you're always so dedicated and loyal to Megatron. Could it be that your loyalty goes beyond friendship?" Lugnut was quiet for a moment, before bowing his head.

"If I try this, Megatron will like me?" Starscream nodded, forcing himself not to grin.

"Yes. BUT, to prove just how dedicated you really are, only use this mistletoe once we have engaged the Autobots. Let the whole world see!" Lugnut nodded, the idea apparently to his liking.

"I'll do it. Many thanks, Starscream. Maybe you aren't such a traitor after all!" Grabbing the plant, Lugnut left the room, his loud footsteps slowly receding into the distance.

Starscream finally let out the belt of laughter he was holding in, and as he thought about how it would play out, he rubbed his hands together. He could only imagine the looks on the Autobot's faces, not to mention Blitzwing and Shockwave.

"I'll need to remember to record it!" Starscream laughed to himself. Oh, this Christmas was going to be just wonderful!

**Author's Notes**

Starscream can be so fun to write! He's just so dastardly and conniving.

Anyways, Merry Christmas everyone!


End file.
